Losing is winning in marriage


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Give in to your spouse a thousand times. That’s they way you win — by losing.

Marriage rewards an overflow of joy to those who manage to figure out its elusive secrets. The road to happiness is selflessness. It’s ironic: you get what you want (not everything) by giving up what you want.

Of course, newlyweds have all kinds of expectations. Maturity comes when we let go of those expectations. No one is good enough. If you divorce this one because of problems, the next will have a different set of problems. And maybe you would be courageous enough to recognize the principal problem is you.

And me.

I’m the principal problem in my marriage. If I work on changing me, on being more loving for my wife, she’ll be happier. And when she gets happier, she just automatically works on making me happier.

The picture is of Jenny and Josh, graduates and former students of mine from the Lighthouse Christian Academy in Santa Monica. There are all kinds of reasons why they shouldn’t get married (money, youth, etc.) But I applaud their go-for-it attitude. If you are determined to make it work, it probably will.

 

18 responses to “Losing is winning in marriage

  1. The two words that keeps every marriage healthy – “yes, dear.” And not just for us guys!

    Do you remember Chip n Dale, the two chipmunks from the old Bugs Bunny Show?

    “After you.”
    “Oh, no. You first. I insist!”
    “Why, I simply couldn’t! You mus go before I do.”

    ETC.

  2. Relationships, scary..

    i must honestly say, i’ve had no luck,

    all do to my own, problems…

    Cheers may your relationship be filled with agape love..

    i also see that you dropped in for a read,

    an that we have a conflict of interest..

    Thank you,

    chris

  3. Ahhh, I love a good wedding. One of my favorite sayings about marriage is how it is a win-win situation. If you win, you win, but if you let him win, than you’re married to a winner. Either way you win.

  4. I am trying to not get cynical, but after a 22 year marriage where I gave it all for the last half—I am now single and happier than ever albeit miss the idea of spending my life with a marriage partner. I really tried, and I hope I can find balance watching others have happy marriages.

  5. “I’m the principal problem in my marriage. If I work on changing me, on being more loving for my wife, she’ll be happier…” I particularly like that part of the post. Thanks for sharing.
    I shared a similar post where I also stated, “Your spouse is not the problem.” Please allow me to paste the link here: https://victorscornerdotorg.wordpress.com/2016/08/13/towards-a-better-marriage-your-spouse-is-not-the-problem/

  6. Even before getting married (at 20) I believed that marriage would be the biggest job of my life, but it would carry the greatest rewards. Now, over 47 years later, I am absolutely confirmed in that, and rejoice to be able to communicate that truth to others.

  7. My congratulations to them!

  8. Pingback: Losing is winning in marriage — Mustard Seed Budget | DaRhema online

  9. Amazing words:

    “Marriage rewards an overflow of joy to those who manage to figure out its elusive secrets. The road to happiness is selflessness. It’s ironic: you get what you want (not everything) by giving up what you want”.

    Only someone who has known the joy of been married would understand them. Thank you for sharing them with us.

  10. Great advice to someone new to the ‘marriage’. Thank you! I am trying not to have many expectations. Beautiful.
    -Jacklyn

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