The lie of love


img_2246The biggest lie of love and marriage is that it doesn’t take work, it just blossoms, flowers and grows naturally without any effort. Such is true love.

If you have any issues to work out, if there are disappointments and misunderstandings, if someone suggests marriage counseling, then obviously you didn’t find your true #SoulMate and so you should call it quits (never mind the damage to children) and continue the quest for #TrueLove.

Rubbish.

Love takes work. Work at communication, work at hatcheting down your expectations, work at sacrifice. The myth of love is the fulfillment of selfishness. But the reality is that love must be selfless. Just like Jesus did.

For these reasons, the Lighthouse Church in Santa Monica, my church, holds marriage retreats twice yearly. We stay in a #PismoBeach hotel, saunter around quaint town, eat piping hot fried fish and listen to a few inspiring sermons of some brutally honest people who tells us the nuts and bolts of a successful marriage.

img_2255Dude, people get it when it comes to car maintenance. People get it when it comes to continuing education or career advancement. People get that investing time and money is necessary to keep things running smoothly. But when it comes to marriage, people don’t get it. Their false premise is the lie of the romantic music: if it’s true love, it shouldn’t take any work.

A man shared with one of the couples. He lasted eight years in marriage. “I just wasn’t willing to put in the work.”

Our church is very fortunate. I’m at 26 years, and mine is one of the newer marriages. In the new church Dianna and I are founding in Van Nuys, CA, there aren’t any married couples. But we want to lay a foundation for singles to know and understand how to succeed in marriage.

12 responses to “The lie of love

  1. You go for it!!! We’re at 37, and it’s still work, but joyously so.

  2. You have a beautiful wife! I love the picture of you two on the ocean shore! You both look youthful and radiant! the countenance of Christ! God bless your marriage!
    With men it is impossible but with God all things are possible!
    Thanks for speaking the truth in Love, “If you have any issues to work out, if there are disappointments and misunderstandings, if someone suggests marriage counseling, then obviously you didn’t find your true #SoulMate and so you should call it quits (never mind the damage to children) and continue the quest for #TrueLove.
    Rubbish.”
    Amen!

  3. I agree with the analogy of blooming and blossoming. Clearly these folks have never had a flower garden that has to be weeded and treated for bug infestations and pruned and…totally worth the work, but it is work! Good article!!

  4. Sounds like you have a pretty good church. Hopefully we’ll get there. Trying to get involved but I haven’t linked up with anyone just yet

  5. daisyraytheclown

    100% agree with you! Communication has been the biggest issue in my own marriage, and we didn’t really “get it” until our marriage had almost completely fallen apart. Better to do occasional maintenance than an all-out overhaul.

  6. Wonderful as always! A must share. God bless y’all and congrats on your 26 years!

  7. Reblogged this on pastorglen52 and commented:
    …you are sooo right! A successful marriage takes real work. I’ve been .married for 44 years. It definitely worth it though

  8. Very nice! Pray for me; single but winning. You nailed it at “The myth of love is the fulfillment of selfishness.”

  9. Like I’ve shared before, I’m convinced that marriage is the biggest job of your life, but it carries the greatest rewards. We’re at 47 years and counting!

  10. I think it is good to draw people near to the Lord, especially in marriage. Going together to spend time outside of church, too. The truth is always important so no wrong conceptions. It is work but also can be happy. Smiles and Blessings sent your family’s way. ❤

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