“You killed me.”
As a police officer, Chad Robichaux once had to grapple with and overpower a man barricaded in his home in a domestic dispute. When the man struggled for Robichaux’s gun, the officer fired at him six times as the man’s children and wife screamed hysterically.
It wasn’t the only time Robichaux was traumatized in his use of deadly force. The MMA champion also killed as a Special Operations Force Recon Marine during eight tours of duty in Afghanistan.
The killing left his mind and heart a wreck, his marriage a shambles, and his soul a wasteland. If it weren’t for the intervention of a Christian man who invested in him and nurtured him back to psychological health, Robichaux might have ended his life like so many of the PTSD victims he tries to help through his Mighty Oaks Wounded Warrior Foundation.
Robichaux recounts the horrors of waging war on evil both in America and abroad in an I am Second video.
When he arrived on the scene of the domestic dispute, there were 30 people standing around outside the house.
The wife was screaming, and the man had barricaded himself in the back bedroom with his gun. Robichaux and his partner entered the house and began searching from room to room. They found the man and demanded he drop his gun. He refused to comply, so Chad moved to disarm him with force.
“I step towards him and I grab the barrel of his rifle and I pushed it away from me and I kicked him in the groin,” he remembers. “When I kicked him the second time he grabbed my hand. I realized at that point that I had to save myself and my partner. I shot six times.”
His partner hit him with another five bullets, and the suspect crumpled to his knees.
He looked at Chad: “You killed me.”
Of course, the violence was justified and necessary, but still Robichaux couldn’t just forget the images of blood all over him. He couldn’t shake the fact that he had ended a life at close range. He couldn’t forget the screams of the family.
“I just wanted someone to tell me that it was okay because I had just killed this guy in front of his family and it was something I thought I would have a hard time with but I did.”
His wife was no help. She just thought it was all part of a day’s work. He really needed someone to affirm him, but instead he felt rejection.
Shortly after that incident, he returned to active duty as a marine following the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
He was added to the Joint Special Operations Command. He deployed to Afghanistan with much excitement.
“Wow I can’t believe all this training to do this, you know, be a force recon marine to do these things and I’m here it’s real like right outside somewhere in the dark is the bad guy.”
He knew the terrorists were evil, but still he wasn’t prepared to see the full horror of mayhem done to other human beings.
“You can’t make sense of it,” he says. “You can’t process it”
In the process of fighting evil, evil entered his own heart. He became a hateful killing machine.
“I was out of control and I didn’t feel bad about it”
He built a wall between himself and his family but he didn’t understand why. “Maybe to protect them from me” Read the rest of Chad Robichaux Christian.