I checked on my mountain of gum that I am secretly building under the pew in church, and I’m happy to report that it still has not been discovered and removed. I have been working on it for five months — one piece of gum every Sunday.
I call it my volcano, but I suppose that’s not the best term because it’s upside-down. Maybe I should call it a stalagmite — or stalactite. I forget which. In any case, this is my secret project. Only a few friends know about it.
What surprises me though is that no one has found it. I mean, the pastor is always going on about how everybody needs to serve in the church. So I guess they’re not doing very well.
It’s getting to the point where I am thinking about actually measuring it, so its progress could be scientific — you know, like they do with the global warming and the disappearance of polar ice. But the problem is: How to do it without getting caught? I guess it’s easy to stick a wad of freshly chewed gum. But if I pull out a ruler and stoop under the pew, it would draw too much attention. I spent over half of the sermon thinking up a way to do it. Before I knew it, the service was over, and I didn’t even get bored.